The fourth de-motivator is the pain of change
Aug
18
The fourth de-motivator is the pain of change. This is the toughest and most challenging de-motivator for my seminar groups to learn how to cope
with. It’s also one of the most harmful de-motivators. I hope you’ll make a special effort to conquer it.
Why does change always seem to involve pain? We resist change because it means that part of our old self must die, and that an unknown new self will be born. We grieve the loss of the familiar as we labor through the painful birth of the strange. It’s all very primitive.
Some of us resist change because we’ve suffered sudden, painful events in the past, perhaps in childhood. In adulthood, this finds its echo in statements such as, “I don’t like surprises,” and the tendency to defend against disaster by striking at change.
And we resist change because we almost instinctively believe that changing and aging are somehow linked. “If we could just stop change, we could stay young,” runs this desperate and touchingly human hope. You see this futile hope in people young and old who wear the styles of five or twenty-five years ago, who hold onto the manners and viewpoints of yesteryear, who stubbornly cling to methods that were effective in a time gone by. There’s a place for nostalgia in our lives. It can be comforting and fun. But even antique dealers have to keep up with the times to stay in business.
Individuals aren’t the only ones to fight change. Companies do it— nations.do it. But the world changes anyway.
We’ve all heard this dull-witted comment many times, “That’s how it is;” this pointless reason, “We’ve always done it that way;” this pure unreason, “I’m not changing.” Meanwhile, the inevitable forces of change are modifying how it is by making that way unprofitable and phasing out the person who’s not changing. We can fight the forces of change and win some temporary victories against it—but we can’t win the war. In the end, we change or we lose.
Success avoids fights it can’t win. Instead of fighting an unbeatable force, success uses it to win victories. Success adores change.
So don’t fight change, make it work for you. That’s easier said than done because we all tend to fight change with strong emotions, and to use change for less potent intellectual reasons. Here’s how to break that pattern. Here’s how to make change a powerful and positive force in your upward drive:
1. Face the issue squarely by thinking through your emotional fear of change. Then consciously separate your feelings about intensifying your work methods from your feelings about losing the familiar, about the passing years, and about coping with the strange and new.
2. Keep the best of the old in your life so that you’ll have a strong emotional foundation on which to build helpful change.
3. Make a habit of trying new things when you don’t have to.
4. Every day, tell someone that you’re quick to adopt new ideas, that you like sampling new things, that you’re always learning, changing, and growing. Keep saying that and you’ll believe it, act on it, and make it true.
5. While there’s an element of pain in all changes, those that are thrust on you by other people hurt far more than the change you put in motion yourself. Instead of sitting back and limply waiting for the next axe of change to fall on your life, be the cutting edge of positive change and improve your life.